Steven Gerrard describes the 2005 Champions League final as the greatest night of his life. Yet, just two months later, he came close to leaving Liverpool, only to change his mind in a dramatic overnight reversal.
In a Netflix documentary focusing on Liverpool’s unforgettable triumph in Istanbul, Gerrard reveals he was in a “bad place” mentally, with a head like “a box of frogs.” He attributes this crisis partly to criticism from then-manager Rafael Benitez, which made him feel unwanted at his boyhood club.
In May 2005, Gerrard captained Liverpool to one of the most remarkable comebacks in football history, overturning a 3-0 halftime deficit against AC Milan to win on penalties and secure the club’s fifth European Cup. Fans hoped this victory would convince him to stay, especially with interest from Real Madrid and Chelsea, then managed by Jose Mourinho.
“Mourinho was on the phone – the best manager in the world at the time, offering huge contracts that naturally turn your head. Chelsea were spending fortunes and guaranteed success,” Gerrard says. “But I couldn’t ignore my relationship with Liverpool. When they came, I didn’t know what to do. Mentally, I was in a bad place. My head was like a box of frogs.”
Benitez’s demeanor only worsened things. “I felt he didn’t rate me, didn’t trust me, didn’t want me,” says the 45-year-old. “I’ve always wanted to be a Liverpool player and only that, but when you doubt yourself and sense coldness, and you don’t believe the team can compete at the top, your head gets turned.”
Former teammate Jamie Carragher believes Gerrard “probably needed an arm around his shoulder.” The Sky Sports pundit adds, “Rafa Benitez was never going to do that. He’s very unemotional.” Throughout the documentary, ex-players describe how Benitez’s criticism and obsession with tactical detail often clashed with Gerrard’s style.
“My game was about emotion, passion, desire, commitment – for the badge, the Liverpool bird, the family,” Gerrard says. “It was in me, and I felt he wanted to completely remodel me. Nothing would ever satisfy him.”
Benitez, now 66, defends his approach. “When I joined Liverpool, there was a culture based on emotion,” he says. “Football requires more than that. If you’re too emotional, you won’t find the way to success.”
Time has healed the rift, and Gerrard now appreciates Benitez’s methods. “I look back at Rafa and think he’s the best coach I have worked with,” he admits.
A year before Gerrard’s transfer saga, the future of another Liverpool academy product, Michael Owen, dominated headlines. Striker Owen had also grown disillusioned with life at Anfield after Gerard Houllier was sacked in summer 2004, with Liverpool finishing 30 points behind Arsenal.
When Benitez was hired, his first task was to convince his two best players to stay. He flew to Portugal to meet Owen, Gerrard, and Carragher during the European Championship. What followed was not the charm offensive expected.
“He was on me tactically,” says Gerrard. “‘I don’t want this, I don’t want that. You can’t play in this team unless we trust you.’ It was intense. I thought to myself, ‘I guarantee you’ll need me before I need you.'”
Carragher recalls Benitez telling Owen – who had won the Ballon d’Or in 2001 – that he needed to “turn on the ball quicker.” Owen, now 46, says, “That’s absolutely what I was probably the best in the world at, at the time. He certainly didn’t convince me to stay.”
In August 2004, Owen joined Real Madrid for £8 million. But Benitez’s recollection differs: “You can see when you talk with someone if he’s happy with the conversation. I think they were quite happy.”
Reflecting on Benitez’s training methods, Carragher calls them “a bit weird.” “There’s no ball, just cones all around the pitch,” says the former England defender. “Rafa would say, ‘right, the ball’s at cone A, cone D, cone F’ and we’d run to where we should be.”
Benitez acknowledges his attention to detail. “I like to analyse things. Just one centimetre higher or lower – that’s the difference between success and defeat sometimes.” That detail paid off in the penalty shootout in Istanbul. Goalkeeper Jerzy Dudek says Benitez kept extensive notes on where Milan’s players placed their spot-kicks. “We had a code: the goal was divided into six squares. He shared that Andriy Shevchenko likes one and four.” Dudek saved two penalties, including the decisive one from Shevchenko.
Part of the 2005 final’s folklore revolves around the Liverpool dressing room at halftime. The Reds scored three goals in six second-half minutes after Benitez introduced Dietmar Hamann for Steve Finnan, switching to three at the back with Hamann and Xabi Alonso as holding midfielders, freeing Gerrard to attack.
Carragher describes the 15-minute break as “chaotic.” Djimi Traore was initially told he was being substituted before Benitez learned Finnan was injured. Hamann recalls heading for a warm-up while Traore went into the showers, then returning to find him back in full kit. “I said, ‘I’m coming on, who’s coming off?’ He said, ‘I don’t know. Got no idea what’s going on.'”
Benitez says the final taught him a lesson: “I started to realise that while it’s important to play with your head, you must never forget to play with your heart.”
